Archive for family

The Thanksgiving Table

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on November 27, 2014 by gerrybartlett

Who would you like at your table for Thanksgiving? I made up a little quiz to help you decide. That’s if you’re not stuck with family members who would fail this test. You know who they are–the aunt with the white glove who finds the dust on top of the TV. The cousin who always manages to hit the bathroom when you’ve run out of toilet paper. Or the screamer who is lucky enough to see a cockroach and you haven’t seen one in, um, months. Best yet? The newly diagnosed relative who is on an exotic diet. Why doesn’t she just bring her own tofu in a Tupperware dish? Well, anyway, have fun and have a happy Thanksgiving.

1. This person:
a. Vacuums her house every day
b. Vacuums once a week
c. Doesn’t own a vacuum cleaner
d. What’s a vacuum?

2. She is ruthless about:
a. Dusting. There’d better not be a speck anywhere, especially on those ceiling fan blades.
b. Cleaning under the bed. No tissues under her king sized.
c. Organizing her closet. It’s color coded and out of season clothes are in storage. She’ll take a peek in your closet, you can count on it.
d. She has a dust bunny named Ralph.

3. He likes to talk about:
a. His last colonoscopy.
b. The time he sat in traffic for two hours on the same freeway you travel every day.
c. People you have never met and hope you never have to. You’re surprised he has friends.
d. The exciting places he’s been and that he wants to take you to next time he goes.

4. She comes dressed:
a. In an expensive designer outfit that immediately gets covered in your dog’s hair.
b. As a turkey. Isn’t it a cute idea for Thanksgiving?
c. As a Pilgrim. Look at the hat my clever child made in Kindergarten ten years ago.
d. In jeans and a tee shirt ready to help put the meal together.

5. This person eats:
a. Only food that begins with the letter “P”.
b. Nothing with salt in it, but didn’t warn you about that beforehand.
c. Everything and lots of it. She brings her own to go boxes and expects to take home leftovers.
d. Whatever you serve and compliments it all.

6. Your cousin comes with:
a. Five friends who had nowhere else to go. Of course she didn’t call first.
b. A hacking cough and fever that is bound to be contagious.
c. Her homemade pie that is obviously either underdone or burned, take your pick. Her feelings are hurt if everyone doesn’t “Take just one bite.”
d. The side dish she had called to ask if she could bring. It’s perfect and enough for the crowd.

Okay, I hope you know that “d” is the right answer for all of these. If you have ever been stuck with any of the others, you have my sympathy. I’ve had the boring dinner guest, the picky eater and the clearly contagious a few times. I know my relatives don’t read this blog so I’m sure I’m safe in saying they won’t see themselves here. Hope you have a great day and that your Christmas feast is even better. It’s my turn to cook this year so we’ll see how that turns out. I’ll let you know.